Suddenly, on that fateful night ...

I had just finished up the Giants-Patriots game and was watching the Steelers vs. Ravens, stretching my aching muscles that were rendered so by a tough but worthwhile day of women's boot-camp classes.

Like anyone who felt like they just completed the equivalent of the New York City Marathon, I was debating cheating just a little bit with some cupcakes and baked goods, but with the cold rain sheeting down outside and me all snug and cozy in my pajamas, I wanted to just sit in front of the tube.

But we don't always get what we want. The phone rang. Brrrriinnnnngggggg!

I slowly picked it up, wondering who could be calling at this awful hour. But the voice was familiar. And the words were chilling.

"My waxing services would be perfect for your personalized guitar setup," came the gruff voice from the other end.

I was forced to return code. "That's great, because my invisalign exam went wrong, and it made my haircut, Awapuhi conditioning treatment and style look like I just got off a biplane ride."

The voice then got down to business. "Your assignment has been changed to tonight, Agent Lohan. Are you ready?"

The aching muscles were now itching for adventure. "I'm as on as a pair of lightweight, weight-loss hot pants from Zaggora."

"Good," said the voice. "Here's your assignment ..."

As he spoke, my mouth dropped more than it does when I watch Brian Williams give the nightly newscast. This was going to be dangerous!

To be continued tomorrow...


By Chris (Blog: Crazy List)

Deals List:

• Up to 51% Off Cupcakes and Baked Goods in Franklin
• Invisalign Exam, X-Rays, and $1000 Off Invisalign
• Haircut, Awapuhi Conditioning Treatment, and Style
• 50% Off Waxing Services
• Personalized Guitar Setup $37.00 ($75.00 Value)
• 5 or 10 Women's Boot-Camp Classes at Nashville Adventure Boot Camp (Up to 61% Off)
• 15-Minute Biplane Ride for Two Over Music City $112.00 ($225.00 Value)
• $26 for Pair of Weight-Loss Hot Pants from Zaggora ($71.86 Value)
• $50 to Spend on Pajamas $25.00 ($50.00 Value)

It's the DEAL-o-Matic 3000!

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And THAT's the Real Dealio

By Chris

Forgetful Joel

I stopped typing and squeezed my right hand. It was really starting to ache. This never-ending project of doom was getting to me. I reached over and took another sip of my amazing coffee from Coffees of Hawaii. I closed my eyes and imagined myself with my toes dug in the sand and my big flower jams on, maybe like the blue ones I’d just found at ThriftSmart. I thought about how badly my wife wanted a trip like that, when it hit me. My wife! I quickly leaned forward to check the time on my laptop. NO! Oh for crying out loud! 7:12! I was supposed to meet her at 7:30 at that swanky restaurant that our friends had bought for us on Restaurant.com.

I shut the laptop down, grabbed my coat and bolted for the door. As I sprinted down the hallway to the parking lot, I felt grateful for those five Jazzercise classes, and even regretted complaining that my wife had forced me to go since I’d forgotten her birthday.

I made it to the man van without breaking a sweat, and as I fumbled to find the right key, I admired the auto detailing I’d just gotten quite a deal on. There’s nothing like a clean and shiny minivan with custom painted flames. As I pulled out of the parking lot, my new iPhone rang. It was Lil John, which meant it was my wife Joanna, and it was now 7:20.

I let it ring, frantically trying to think of something. At the third ring, I had it! “Hi honey! Are you at the restaurant?” There was a pause, and she answered slowly, “No. I’m not, Joel. I’m at Hacienda Cerritos… waiting for you.” I slammed on the brakes at a traffic light, the one that always turns red just as I get to it. I gritted my teeth and answered, “Our four night stay… at Hacienda Cerritos… away from the kids and work… and you ate with your sister tonight because she’s headed for that corn thing with her friends tomorrow in Nebraska.” Awkward pause. “You forgot Joel. You forgot again!” That lift in her voice told me I was in serious trouble.

As the light turned green, I turned to my last resort. “I stink Joanna. I stink! I forgot. I know we were supposed to meet in the room at 7:00. For some reason, I thought tonight was our dinner. That’s tomorrow night. I’m on the way.” There was another pause, until she broke the silence. “Do you even know where Hotel Cerritos is?” I smiled knowing with that question, she wasn’t as far gone as I feared. “I do. It’s right next to where we had our hydrotherapy session. I’ll be there in a few.”

And that's the Real Dealio

By Scott

Occupy Wall Street Alternatives

Think of all those people who are participating in Occupy Wall Street. They’ve been doing a lot of standing outside, pooping in trash bags, wondering if they have enough money to get three laser hair removal treatments (because camping outside for weeks makes you hairy), and seeing who can get on the national news and change the world. I have nothing against them; I actually want to bring some fun into their lives.

I mean, Wall Street? Why Occupy Wall Street when you’re surrounded by people in cookie-cutter suits and frowns like the Grinch? There are a bajillion more exciting places to camp out for days on end, like 360 Wine Bar Bistro. Now that is sure to be a good time had by all. I guarantee you there won’t be a frown in the establishment.

If you’re not into wine, no worries. You can totally join Occupy Bombasha Brazilian Steakhouse. Every Occupy movement needs a Brazilian. And steak. It’s just common sense to choose a steakhouse to camp out in over a concrete jungle. But fair warning - word on the street is that some yahoos who spent too much time at the Occupy 360 Wine Bar may try to crash this party, pull the major sports team rugs right out from under your feet, and run away with that T-bone steak you were munching on. So hold on to your plates, carnivores!

To join the happiest and most peaceful movement on the block, my bet is with Occupy Ivey Cakes. Chocolate cupcakes, mounds of icing, colorful sprinkles…what’s not to love? You didn’t hear this from me, but Carrie Underwood may even show up. She’s such a big fan, in fact, that Ivey Cakes catered at her wedding reception! If you’ve been scouting the town for a celebrity sighting, definitely check out Occupy Ivey Cakes. But be sure to bring a stash of sushi from Ru San’s. Celebrities like Ru San’s, too, and don’t always think ahead and pack sushi when they’re on the go. It’s your chance to be the hero of the Occupy movement!

I beg you - don’t settle for Occupy Wall Street. Wine, steak, and cupcakes are much more fun.

And THAT's the Real Dealio!

By Marianna (peachy perspective)

Nashville Daily Deals: Groupon, Crowd Savings, Living Social, Moolala