Black Friday 2003: One to Forget

Black Friday 2003 was a day Cletus Davis family would like to forget.

Cletus and his four kids were up at 1 a.m., potbellies still stuffed with Thanksgiving feasts and cranberry stains on their shirts. They headed to the town’s Super WalMart to buy the woman of the house, May Ann, a fresh-water pearl necklace and earrings set ($114 Value) or a necklace, earrings and bracelet, shipping included ($217 value). Cletus knew he had to redeem himself after the 2002 family fiasco that erupted when he gifted her with $20 to spend at OfficeMax.

Upon arrival, Cletus drove around the parking lot for an hour looking for a spot to park. His youngest hooglian, Johnny, decided that the time would go by faster if he got out of the truck and started jumping on all the parked cars like an angry monkey. After about 15 minutes of that, he jumped on the wrong cars, those belonging to J.R. Martinez and Kyle Orton. Let’s just say that Johnny was handcuffed to Cletus for the rest of the day and neither one of them enjoyed it.

Now Cletus is a strong man, but when he walked into WalMart, he really wished he had some noise-reducing ear buds with free shipping ($50 value). Drown out the noise. Focus on the pearls. Don’t kill anyone, he repeated to himself over and over. He was interrupted by a forceful New Yorker shoving an application for 26 weeks of The New York Times Sunday delivery and a free issue in his arms. He immediately gave the paper to his daughter Susie who sat in a corner with Megyn Kelly and went to sleep in five minutes.

Cletus had never seen people fight over new ePad Android tablet, keyboard & leather carrying case or Memorex MI2290 travel iPod dock in black or white, but these rednecks went wild over this stuff at 2 a.m. – whether or not they needed it! One of them even flung an entire one-year magazine subscription to Elle, Cosmo, Esquire, Country Living and more toward Rocky, Cletus’s 5-year-old son, and broke his nose and knocked his shoes into next week!

Unfortunately, the quest for the pearls was abandoned and a trip to the hospital was necessary. On the way there, Cletus (and Johnny, since they were still handcuffed to each other) stopped into Verizon Wireless to spend $50 on any device or accessory so he could buy Rocky $40 Sketchers online since his only pair of shoes was nowhere to be found. Johnny was not happy about this and started acting like a monkey again.

If things couldn’t get any worse, Rocky was bombarded with roses when they walked into the hospital, and he broke out in hives. Cletus read the note on the bouquet: Hope you have a happy afterlife, Anne McCaffrey. This $35 worth of delivered flowers and more is the least I can do. Sincerely, Urban Meyer, future Dancing with the Stars winner.

When they finally reached the ER waiting room, it was packed with people decked out in Danskin active wear. Cletus had already had an overwhelming early morning adventure, so nothing surprised him anymore. He just sat in the corner, handcuffed to his kid, and let the other kids run wild and act like monkeys because he just didn’t care anymore. He still needed to get May Ann a gift, and the pearls were now so far out of the question that they might as well never have been a possibility. He finally just broke down a purchased her $79 for two-day free shipping and returns with great stores with ShopRunner. Then she could get whatever she wanted and save an extra 20% on Crowdsavings with coupon code NICELIST.

“I just went through all of this for NOTHING!” Cletus screamed in the waiting room. Weird looks came by the thousands as he slumped back into this chair to wait on Rocky’s nose to get fixed.

May all your Black Fridays be happy, merry and bright, and nothing like Cletus Davis experienced.

And that’s The Real Dealio!

By Marianna (blog: peachyperspective)

Mary's Murder Mystery Saga

From the moment Mary received a home murder mystery party invitation, she knew exactly what to do. This year she was assigned the character Barbie Kew, a southern-belle with a redneck edge who lives and breathes BBQ.

She couldn’t just put this costume together half-heartedly. This year the stakes were high. The person with the best costume at the party would win a four-night hotel stay for two adults, or a family of four in Nuevo Vallarta, with airport transfer! No joke!

She immediately ran to find her phone and to book an afternoon appointment for a color, haircut and style at John Nelson Salon to let Amanda Patmore transform her into a bleach-blonde bombshell. As every woman knows, if the hair ain’t good, ain’t nuthin’ good! However, she accidently called the Franklin Oil Shop! This is a blessing in disguise, she thought. My car’s actually due for a full-synthetic oil change, and I’ve been meaning to call! Oil change appointment booked.

Let’s try this again, she thought as she dialed the phone again.

“Thank you for calling Boxwood Bistro! What can we cook up for you today?”

Boxwood Bistro?! I thought I was calling the salon! she thought but was too embarrassed to say out loud. “Um, yes, I’d like your special of the day. I’ll be by to pick it up in 30 minutes.” Come to think of it, I haven’t had lunch yet. Another blessing in disguise!

A couple of weeks ago, Mary had seen some great apparel and accessories at Blush Boutique that would complement her costume perfectly, so she called the store to see if the items were still in stock. The third time must be a charm because she actually called the right place, the blingy jewelry was still available, and. …

“Congrats, Mary! Since you’re our 10^th caller of the day, you’ve won a photo-to-metal print!” What?! “This will be a great way to commemorate the exciting murder mystery party I’m attending!” she said.

Well, now that Mary had to go get an oil change, pick up lunch, and buy her jewelry, she didn’t know if she would have time for a hair appointment. She decided to take her chances and stopped in that afternoon, hoping that Amanda Patmore was available. And hallelujah, she was!

If you go to a murder mystery party this Halloween weekend, be on the lookout for Barbie Kew. She’s been through a lot this week.

And THAT's the Real Dealio!

By Marianna (peachy perspective)


Nashville Daily Deals - Living Social, Moolala, Crowd Savings, Groupon

Forgetful Joel

I stopped typing and squeezed my right hand. It was really starting to ache. This never-ending project of doom was getting to me. I reached over and took another sip of my amazing coffee from Coffees of Hawaii. I closed my eyes and imagined myself with my toes dug in the sand and my big flower jams on, maybe like the blue ones I’d just found at ThriftSmart. I thought about how badly my wife wanted a trip like that, when it hit me. My wife! I quickly leaned forward to check the time on my laptop. NO! Oh for crying out loud! 7:12! I was supposed to meet her at 7:30 at that swanky restaurant that our friends had bought for us on Restaurant.com.

I shut the laptop down, grabbed my coat and bolted for the door. As I sprinted down the hallway to the parking lot, I felt grateful for those five Jazzercise classes, and even regretted complaining that my wife had forced me to go since I’d forgotten her birthday.

I made it to the man van without breaking a sweat, and as I fumbled to find the right key, I admired the auto detailing I’d just gotten quite a deal on. There’s nothing like a clean and shiny minivan with custom painted flames. As I pulled out of the parking lot, my new iPhone rang. It was Lil John, which meant it was my wife Joanna, and it was now 7:20.

I let it ring, frantically trying to think of something. At the third ring, I had it! “Hi honey! Are you at the restaurant?” There was a pause, and she answered slowly, “No. I’m not, Joel. I’m at Hacienda Cerritos… waiting for you.” I slammed on the brakes at a traffic light, the one that always turns red just as I get to it. I gritted my teeth and answered, “Our four night stay… at Hacienda Cerritos… away from the kids and work… and you ate with your sister tonight because she’s headed for that corn thing with her friends tomorrow in Nebraska.” Awkward pause. “You forgot Joel. You forgot again!” That lift in her voice told me I was in serious trouble.

As the light turned green, I turned to my last resort. “I stink Joanna. I stink! I forgot. I know we were supposed to meet in the room at 7:00. For some reason, I thought tonight was our dinner. That’s tomorrow night. I’m on the way.” There was another pause, until she broke the silence. “Do you even know where Hotel Cerritos is?” I smiled knowing with that question, she wasn’t as far gone as I feared. “I do. It’s right next to where we had our hydrotherapy session. I’ll be there in a few.”

And that's the Real Dealio

By Scott

Occupy Wall Street Alternatives

Think of all those people who are participating in Occupy Wall Street. They’ve been doing a lot of standing outside, pooping in trash bags, wondering if they have enough money to get three laser hair removal treatments (because camping outside for weeks makes you hairy), and seeing who can get on the national news and change the world. I have nothing against them; I actually want to bring some fun into their lives.

I mean, Wall Street? Why Occupy Wall Street when you’re surrounded by people in cookie-cutter suits and frowns like the Grinch? There are a bajillion more exciting places to camp out for days on end, like 360 Wine Bar Bistro. Now that is sure to be a good time had by all. I guarantee you there won’t be a frown in the establishment.

If you’re not into wine, no worries. You can totally join Occupy Bombasha Brazilian Steakhouse. Every Occupy movement needs a Brazilian. And steak. It’s just common sense to choose a steakhouse to camp out in over a concrete jungle. But fair warning - word on the street is that some yahoos who spent too much time at the Occupy 360 Wine Bar may try to crash this party, pull the major sports team rugs right out from under your feet, and run away with that T-bone steak you were munching on. So hold on to your plates, carnivores!

To join the happiest and most peaceful movement on the block, my bet is with Occupy Ivey Cakes. Chocolate cupcakes, mounds of icing, colorful sprinkles…what’s not to love? You didn’t hear this from me, but Carrie Underwood may even show up. She’s such a big fan, in fact, that Ivey Cakes catered at her wedding reception! If you’ve been scouting the town for a celebrity sighting, definitely check out Occupy Ivey Cakes. But be sure to bring a stash of sushi from Ru San’s. Celebrities like Ru San’s, too, and don’t always think ahead and pack sushi when they’re on the go. It’s your chance to be the hero of the Occupy movement!

I beg you - don’t settle for Occupy Wall Street. Wine, steak, and cupcakes are much more fun.

And THAT's the Real Dealio!

By Marianna (peachy perspective)

Nashville Daily Deals: Groupon, Crowd Savings, Living Social, Moolala