There I sat at the kitchen table on the Monday before Thanksgiving, very nervous on the inside but trying to seem cool on the outside by putting my one month of drama class training to work.
As a turkey who had gone through six pole-dancing fitness classes, I felt I was in very good shape and thus didn't deserve to be the feature attraction on the Thanksgiving dinner table. But my owner was looking at that Cooking with Paula Deen magazine just a little too much - it made me wonder what was going on behind that taut, age-reversal facelifted forehead.
"Uh, Phil?" I said, casually twirling his fashion-forward wristwatch around my wing and trying to appear calm. "That's ... that's a nice auto detailing job you have on your car out there. Jay Cutler himself would be jealous of such a fine vehicle. Maybe we can take a ride in it - next week."
Phil didn't look at me, continuing to thumb through the pages, making some snide remark of how either a cranberry sauce recipe or a green bean casserole would go well with his ... experiment this Thursday.
"You know," I went on, hoping to break the awkwardness, "Christmas is also right around the corner. I was thinking of what to get Elizabeth and Billy. I would love to be around to see their faces when they open up a box with a classic toy or a boutique sweater in it. Come to think of it, Billy's always been a fan of one-night DVD rentals. Maybe after a vegetarian Christmas dinner that night, we could watch one, or even go to that new Shipwrecked With Santa joint near Fifth and Adams."
Phil slyly looked up from the magazine, eyeing my rather portly figure. "Hmmm," he said rather uncomfortably. "A cellulite reduction session would go a long way with you. Maybe trim the ... fat."
My poker face was quickly going the way of the brick-sized cell phone. "What do you mean?" I asked, hoping to be around for that custom holiday Christmas card he wanted to send out to friends and family.
Before I could get another word out, he dropped the magazine and picked up a frying pan, ready to turn out my lights with a quick hit upside the head. But he didn't expect me to jump out of the chair and assume a fighting stance. He was shocked, unsure of what to do.
Time to show this guy some TURK-FU!!
That's the Real Dealio!
By Chris (Blog: Crazy List)
Deals List:
That's the Real Dealio!
By Chris (Blog: Crazy List)
Deals List:
- Exterior and Interior Auto Detailing
- 58% Off Cellulite-Reduction Sessions in Brentwood
- $39 for Age Reversal Facelift, Acupressure Treatment or 3 Energetic Classes (Up to $105 Value)
- Six Pole Dancing and Fitness Classes and $30 Off a Six-Month Membership
- One Month of Drama Classes at Drama Kids International
- $40 to Spend on Custom Holiday Cards, Invitations, and More
- 60% off Classic toys
- 40% off boutique sweaters for girls
- One Year Subscription to Cooking with Paula Deen (67% Off Cover Price)
- $16 for 2 Tickets to Shipwrecked with Santa & 5x7 Photo with Santa ($35 Value)
- $36 for a Fashion-Forward Wristwatch and Two Interchangeable Watchbands (Up to $105 Value)
- $2 for Five One-Night DVD Rentals from Any Blockbuster Express
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