The Eight Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a $10 subscription to O: The Oprah Magazine.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, $40 for $100 in Hair and Waxing Services and a $10 subscription to O: The Oprah Magazine.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a 2-hour Photography Crash Course, $40 for $100 in Hair and Waxing Services and a $10 subscription to O: The Oprah Magazine.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, $20 for $40 of Car Washes, a 2-hour Photography Crash Course, $40 for $100 in Hair and Waxing Services and a $10 subscription to O: The Oprah Magazine.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 50% off at Barnes & Noble, $20 for $40 of Car Washes, a 2-hour Photography Crash Course, $40 for $100 in Hair and Waxing Services and a $10 subscription to O: The Oprah Magazine.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 50% off four private dog training sessions, 50% off at Barnes & Noble, $20 for $40 of Car Washes, a 2-hour Photography Crash Course, $40 for $100 in Hair and Waxing Services and a $10 subscription to O: The Oprah Magazine.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, $99 for a TomTom GPS, 50% off four private dog training sessions, 50% off at Barnes & Noble, $20 for $40 of Car Washes, a 2-hour Photography Crash Course, $40 for $100 in Hair and Waxing Services and a $10 subscription to O: The Oprah Magazine.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, $2 for five $1 vouchers at the Blockbuster Movie Rental Stand, $99 for a TomTom GPS, 50% off four private dog training sessions, 50% off at Barnes & Noble, $20 for $40 of Car Washes, a 2-hour Photography Crash Course, $40 for $100 in Hair and Waxing Services and a $10 subscription to O: The Oprah Mag...a...zine.

The Adventures of Santa Steve

Steve was ready.

He had been through Santa training every year for the past 20 years. He was determined to be the most amazing mall Santa in the USA. He loved talking with 96.35% of the kids who came to visit him year after year. He always knew how to respond to each kid, even when they asked for mega millions or latkes for Chanukah. He was Santa.

But when a mom and her child – a hobbit version of David Archuleta screaming, “Maggie Moo’s ice cream!” like a broken record player – were the first ones to approach him this year, he knew this was going to be one long season of being Santa.

“Santa, hey. I’m running late getting my Christmas cards sent,” the mom said. “I just bought a great deal on a one-hour photo shoot and 10 digital images and I need to use it ASAP for these cards or Granny’s going to M.A.D. Can we get started?” she said and she plopped her screaming son on Santa Steve’s lap.

“Uhhhh…” Steve wondered where his back-ups had gone. Oh, that’s right, I told them to go get their Barnes & Noble and Restaurant.com gift cards before they sold out and while no one was in line here. Why did I do that?!

Ten minutes later, Hobbit David gave up demanding Maggie Moo’s and decided it was about time he told Santa what he wanted for Christmas. And Steve was ready … kind of.

“Santa, my favorite restaurant in the whole entire world is Phillyman’s Cheesesteak. You can probably tell because I have a lot in my belly right now,” David pointed to his chubby 7-year-old belly. “Will you give me the restaurant?”

“Uhhh…no. I already promised to give it to Debra Messing. But how about $6 for $12 worth of cheesesteaks and more? … Ho ho ho!” Santa Steve responded.

“Nooooo! Fine then. If you were the real Santa, you would get me my own beer-making starter kit and ingredients. Pleeeeease? I want that more than cheesesteaks.”

Is this really happening? Steve wondered. He admitted to himself that he’d rather be talking with Snooki right now than a 7-year-old asking for booze.

“Awww, you’re too cute. Sorry, kid, but ole Santy can’t give alcohol to under-age kids for Christmas! That is no way to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas, is it? Sounds like you just need some music therapy with private music lessons. How would you like that instead?”

Nothing but a blank stare from Hobbit David that lasted for a full five minutes. A long five minutes.

Santa Steve tried to convince himself this episode would not destroy his chances at being the best Santa in all the land this year. He just blamed the increasing ridiculousness of the kids (and parents) on the winter solstice.

So if you take your kids to visit Santa this week, take a good look at Santa. If his eyes are droopy and he’s a little loopy, just give him some grace. It’s been a long year for the ole guy.

And that’s The Real Dealio!

By Marianna (blog: peachyperspective)

Deals:

• Last-minute gift: $21 for a Barnes & Noble eGift Card, a Restaurant.com Gift Card + $10 in Save Rewards just for you!
• $55 for One-Hour Photo Shoot and 10 Digital Images ($150 Value)
• 4 Private Music Lessons
• Maggie Moo's Ice Cream!
• $6 for $12 Worth of Philly Cheesesteaks & More @ Phillyman's Cheesesteak
• $64 for a Beer-Making Starter Kit and Ingredients from Midwest Homebrewing and Winemaking Supplies (Up to $127.80 Value)

The Roethlisberger Revelation

"Help, doc!" cried Ben Roethlisberger as he nursed his bumps and bruises.

The Pittsburgh Steelers had just taken a pounding by the San Francisco 49ers on Monday Night Football and Big Ben was one of several Steeler players who needed a break that didn't involve their own bones. He was disappointed that those fitness classes and that massage he had taken didn't seem to be working as far as preventing injury went.

But a certain Mr. Greene had heard all the complaining before. He was old-school football, from an age where a visit to the doctor's office was about as common as seeing the head coach watching a Blu-Ray DVD movie on the sideline during the Super Bowl.

He strolled over to Roethlisberger and demanded "Hey, Big Sissy Ben! You keep complaining and I'm gonna book you a bridal shower at Mama Java's cafe, complete with a big old floral arrangement!"

Ben was stunned into silence, being called out in front of the team. Greene wished he could have gotten a photo canvas of Roethlisberger's face at that point. He kept going.

"I hope this little talk between us gets you doin' more cartwheels than a gymnastics class, buddy!"

"You're right, Mr. Greene," Ben said. "It's just that ever since I read that hoax about Jon Bon Jovi being dead, my confidence has been shattered. But I'm better now. Thanks, though ... now I gotta get to practice."



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That's the Real Dealio!


By Chris (Blog: Crazy List)


Deals:

• $12 for $40 worth of floral arrangements from Flowers-Nationwide
• Photo Canvas from $39: 1.5'' Depth Gallery Wrapped - 3 size options
• Doctor's Office Visit ($44) at GracePointe Healthcare
• One Month of Once-a-Week Gymnastics Classes
• Hour-Long Massage and Six Fitness Classes
• $6 for $12 Worth of Food & Drinks @ Mama's Java Cafe
• $59 for a Toshiba BDX2150 Blu-Ray Player ($99.99 Value)

Christmas Slam

"Christmas slam!" My oldest son yelled. The boys both laughed until they saw my expression. Then they took off out the front door. I stared at the Christmas tree as if it were Kim Jong Il attacking Santa in North Korea, or like I stared at the tattoo around my arm that was supposed to be barbed-wire, but looks more like a string of fat, round Christmas lights. How could it do this to me? I spend $100 on a "Douglas Fir." I water it. Talk to it. The family carefully placed our memories on each branch with Amy Grant urging us on in the background. I spend hours detangling the stupid lights, breaking a few bulbs in the process. And it falls over. The Monday before Christmas. 

It crushed my new universal remote, and soaked the Android Tablet in the thin green box. Not to mention that it scratched my left cornea on the way down, which I'm sure will leave me with a nice New Year's eye care bill. I got out one of my Swiss Army knives to open the box with the blue angel paper to see if it destroyed my wife's hand-held exfoliator... the only thing she asked for this year. Thankfully, a survivor! The workout DVDs with resistance band were fine. The paper just needed some more tape and a little patchwork. 

When she gets back from her haircut and partial highlight, I've got some explaining to do. I could tell her it fell on its own, but that doesn't happen. We don't play football in the house. That's rule #1. We weren't. We were playing basketball in the house. I leap over the ottoman like Baron Davis and make the catch, only to be fouled by the tree. It really wasn't my fault. It was a bad pass. I could blame my son. But, then, who said it was okay to play a little hoops in the den? 

It stinks, but that's the Real Dealio!



By Scott (Twitter: @Scott_Chaney)


Deals:

• 43% off an incredible universal remote control — shipping included!
• $129 for Android Tablet With Free Shipping($269 Value)
• $17 for Hand-Held Exfoliator With Free Shipping ($35 Value)
• $20 for $40 in Swiss Army Knives and Watches With Free Shipping
• $45 for 11 Workout DVDs, Meal Planning Membership, Resistance Band And More With Free Shipping ($90 Value)
• $25 for $50 of Tattoo Services
• $20 for $100 of Eye Care
• 51% Off Haircut, Color or Partial Highlight, Keratin & More (2 Options Available)

Vacay Time With The Aliens

Oh, no! What is the deal with this blog and aliens?!

Aliens have taken the beloved Real Dealio staff away on a “vacation”! Not sure exactly what that means, but they did say that Disney World may or may not be involved. The abductors have promised they will return the faithful writers a week from today because they believe in this blog and will not be the cause of its death.

A note was left before the departure:

We love you, faithful and new readers. We apologize for this inconvenience in our disappearance right before Christmas. We know you want your Nashville-area daily deals first thing in the morning, and we apologize profusely for letting you down during this joyous season. Please bookmark this blog so you can be one of the first to welcome us back from our brief break and get your humor and deals in one stop.

If Your Office Christmas Party is Like This, Leave

We’re smack dab in the middle of Christmas party season, and many of you are probably dreading your annual lame office Christmas party. Nothing gets you more in the holiday spirit like bedazzled sweaters, small talk about the Duggar miscarriage, and bland food transported from the Virginia Tech campus cafeteria. But you just can’t bring yourself to leave with the awkwardness level reaches unknown levels.

However, you should consider the possibility of leaving the party early if, upon arrival, David Stern insists you wear a custom-made $29 sterling silver monogram name necklace like you would a lei in Hawaii. “It’s a special, individualized gift from the company this year. We hope it brightens your holiday season like the star that guided the three wise men to Jesus,” he reports with the enthusiasm of Debbie Downer.

Upon walking into the local Chinese restaurant, you strain to recognize any of your coworkers. Instead of seeing Cindy, Mary, Bob, and Tom, you keep bumping into Dan Gilbert, Tyson Chandler, Chris Paul, Ben Roethlisberger, and Dwight Howard as you make your way to Table 4. It may already be insanely awkward, but don’t leave the party just yet. Just get so engrossed in the discounted activity books, projects and games from Klutz and Chuggington wooden railway trainee roundhouse set from Learning Curve there to keep you occupied at Table 4 to avoid the rest of the awkwardness that surrounds you. The evening can only get better from here, right?

“I want to welcome you all to this glorious occasion as we celebrate all we have done and not done this year!” your boss declares over the crackling loud speaker. “You’ve probably noticed all of the famous guests we have here tonight. I figured spending the money to get them to hang out with us was better than any gift I could give you this year. But hey, I still love you all, so I got each of you a discounted Metrokane electric Houdini corkscrew in black, red or silver!”

Blank stares.

(Remember that two-hour photography class you wish you had bought? This would be the perfect moment to capture!)

Ok, now would be a fabulous time to leave the party, dragging your Tumi travel luggage filled with all of your office desk belongings behind you. Enough is enough. Make a scene. Be dramatic. Lead the way.

“Wait! You’re my fifth best employee! Will 50% off at Middle Tennessee Paintball and Magazines.com bring you back? Please! It’s all I can afford right now!” will be the last words you hear from your now-former boss as you walk out the doors to freedom and on to a Lakers game.

Hopefully you won’t have to experience anything like this. But just in case you suddenly find yourself in any of these beyond-awkward situations, it’s about time you find a new job!

And that’s The Real Dealio!

By Marianna (blog: peachyperspective)

Deals:

• $14 for $30 worth of activity books, projects and games from Klutz
• $29 for Sterling Silver Monogram Name Necklace
• 50% Off @ Middle Tennessee Paintball
• Magazines.com
• One ($59) or Two ($99) 2-Hour Photography Classes
• $22 for a Metrokane Electric Houdini Corkscrew in Black, Red, or Silver ($39.99 Value)
• Tumi Travel Luggage from Groupon Goods Inc. (Up to 41% Off). Three Options Available. Shipping Included.
• $69 for a Chuggington Wooden Railway Trainee Roundhouse Set from Learning Curve. Shipping Included ($130.99 Value)

The Night the Car Broke Down in Kentucky

From the moment the car started to tremble, Lucy knew she was in for a long night. As she slowly brought her car to a stop amidst the roar of the rumble strips, she was glad she had used her Eversave Holiday Pack + a $25 Cabela’s Gift Card to purchase a limited edition Colonel Sherman Potter Army Survival Kit. As she carefully placed her road flares in the pelting rain, Lucy couldn’t have been more thankful she had finally treated herself to that Semi-Permanent Mascara Treatment. At least she’d look good when help arrived. Her teeth were starting to chatter and numbness began to set into her extremities. The only thing worse than the cold was the unshakeable craving she had for Gourmet Popcorn. If only she had taken advantage of the Valet Parking by the Nashville International Airport and hopped a plane instead of making this trip by car. She could have treated herself to a Microderm Treatment and a Facial as she waited for her connection. But alas, as the smoke poured out from under the hood, she knew it was too late to look back now.

Lucy decided to huff it to the next exit to look for help. As she made her way through the deluge, she could just make out the faint glow of headlights in the distance. As the right heel on her new Steve Madden’s gave way, she noticed the oncoming vehicle pulling alongside her. As the passenger side window of the shiny BMW rolled slowly down, she could barely make out a face through the curtain of rain. As she squinted through the darkness, she couldn’t believe her eyes. There sat a haggard Rod Blagojevich taming his 5 o’clock shadow with a Remington R5150 360 ° Pivot & Flex Cordless Titanium Coated Rotary Shaver.

This can’t be happening she thought, as she climbed into the passenger seat and pushed the crumpled Playboy to the floor that had previously occupied her seat. As she contemplated the sad decent of Lindsay Lohan’s career, she decided to ask for a lift.

“Wanna ride? I’m…uh…kind of in a hurry. I’ve got some folks waiting for me back home,” he blustered.

To her surprise, he happened to be heading towards Nashville to procure $100 Worth of Framed Art, Prints, and Posters for $50 to brighten his impending jail cell before heading up north. They chatted like grammar school girls for hours until he dropped her safely at her abode, and continued on his way.

It was definitely a road trip for the record books.

And THAT's the Real Dealio!

By Christina (Twitter: @creckard)

Deals:

• $22 for Winter Dinner Special for Two @ Franklin Mercantile ($45 Value)
• Pay $79 for The Eversave Omaha Steak Holiday Pack + a $25 Cabela's Gift Card
• $50 for $100 Worth of Framed Art, Prints, and Posters
• Semi-Permanent Mascara Treatment
• 50% Off Microderm & Facials
• $10 for $20 of Gourmet Popcorn
• 3, 7, or 10 Days of Valet Parking by the Nashville International Airport at Flight Park
• $35 for a Remington R5150 360° Pivot & Flex Cord/Cordless Titanium Coated Rotary Shaver ($59.99 Value). Shipping Included.