Vanity

I got to the Vanity Salon and Spa a little early for my eyebrow wax, and picked up the paper. The cover story was a familiar one. Reading how Bernie Madoff made off with all that money ticked me off all over again. Sure he got caught and locked up. I wasn’t so much mad at him, but all the stupid people who he tricked.

Sometimes I can’t handle the news. I flipped over to the entertainment page to relax and to my surprise; Kim Kardashian is already calling for a divorce! What!?! Next you’re going to tell me Anna Chapman is occupying Wall Street and Amy Schumer is romantically involved with Herman Cain! Enough entertainment, I turned over to the sports page and found a spread for the Christmas Village. Which reminded me, do we have any of those little candle wreaths? Oh man I love Christmas! And tomorrow, I’m taking my wife to a cheese making workshop, and we’ll hopefully open a booth selling festive goat brie.

As I focused on quietly ripping out a coupon for a pizza dinner at the Black Dog Market, Kelli, my waxer walked over. “Have you paid your barbecue fare?” I looked up a little confused. “I’m sorry Kelli. I’m pretty sure I misunderstood you.” She smiled and repeated herself. “I can’t wait ‘til you see Art’s new hair!” I laughed. “Yeah, I saw Art last night at our Unlimited Stroller Strides class. I don’t think I could rock a reverse purple mohawk like that!” Art is Kelli’s boyfriend. He’s the guy who determines school closings at Channel 4. He’s also a weatherman. But he’s usually wrong.

I laid the paper on the table and followed Kelli to my chair. She smiled and said, “You know, I hate to say this, but your eyebrows look fine. I don’t think you need this. Just because Bud from our BYOB painting class does it, doesn’t mean you have to.” I felt a thousand pounds lift off my shoulders. “Really? Well, that’s a relief! I just don’t want to look like Michael Dukakis.” She tilted her head and asked, “Who?” I forget how old I am sometimes.


And THAT's the Real Dealio!
By Scott (Twitter: @Scott_Chaney)
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